There's Something About Sugar
by killer cereal
Summary: Santana's asked Sugar to spy on Brittany who is spying on Sugar with the help of Santana because there's something not quite right about that girl. Set in an alternate season 4.
1. Chapter 1

**There's Something About Sugar**

Sugar leaned around one of the bleacher pillars along the side of the McKinley's playing field. Her eyes narrowed as she carefully surveyed the area. Out on the field the McKinley Titan's footballers ran into each other, tripped over their own feet and proved to anyone watching why they were the worst high school football team in Ohio, if not the Universe. A couple of girls sat on the bottom row closest to the entrance to the changing rooms tittering over their favourite players and sighing every time one came near.  
Sugar nonchalantly sloped to the side of the stands and stood on tiptoes so she could see over the seats at head height, peering at everyone currently sitting in the stands. It was almost deserted apart from the stupid fangirls and she easily found her target almost immediately. On the top row at the far side sat her objective. She pulled down her designer sunglasses and settled them comfortably on her nose, as though this would afford her some anonymity, then climbed up the steps to the fourth row from the top. She stumbled into a seat suddenly when her prey looked up from reading a sheaf of papers and straight over at her. She attempted to cheer at the footballers to throw off the scent but garnered more attention after shouting at the top of her voice.

"What was that number nine? I've seen better hand eye coordination in blind synchronised swimming. You couldn't catch a football if it was on fire!"

The player wearing the number nine shirt looked over, bewildered at the sudden outpouring of abuse. The football hit him in the head the second he was distracted and he collapsed to the floor.

"You'd catch the ball better if your manboobs weren't jiggling in the way. They're almost as big as my mom's!"

"Sugar!" Coach Bieste roared through the loud speaker from the bench, "Zip it."

"Sorry, Coach!" Sugar shouted down to the field. "But you know those boys couldn't catch an STD in the boys' showers if it came up and bit them in the-"

"SUGAR!"

"Sorry, Coach. Aspergers."

Sugar watched in amusement as Nine dragged himself to his feet and took his helmet off. Oooh, he was cute with that floppy hair. Wait, no, focus. She sneakily side eyed her target only for her shoulders to slump in defeat when she was caught looking. Brittany was staring at her from her far corner of the bleachers trying to figure out why those insults sounded so familiar.

Sugar pulled her phone and pretended to be very busy on it until Brittany turned back to whatever she was reading. No longer under scrutiny, Sugar speed dialled a number.

"Maple Syrup to Whipped Cream," she said into her phone after hearing the other person pick up.

"_I...what? Sugar?"_

"What? How'd you know it was me?"

"_I have caller ID, you crazy woman."_

"Oh yeah, anyway..."

"_Hold up, does that make me Whipped Cream?_

"Uh..."

"_I am not whipped! And why are you calling yourself Maple Syrup? You're not Canadian, have you ever even been to Canada? You know what, don't answer that because I just don't care."_

Sugar ignored the snub and answered anyway. "Maple Syrup is sugary and you wouldn't let me have Sex Bomb for a codename. I am totally Canadian, eh. My folks were on their shotgun honeymoon and my mom dropped me like I was hot right alongside Niagara Falls."

Four hours drive away at Louisville University, Santana pulled her phone away from her ear and stared at it, thoroughly perplexed at the words emanating from it. _"Sugar, did you want something?"_

"Oh yeah, I forgot already. Status report. Rainbow Warrior seems sad about something. She's up on the bleachers on her own, looking miserable. Thought you might want to check in or something."

"_Do you know what's wrong? Was someone mean to her? Did you see anything? Were there slushies involved?"_

"No, no, there's been no reported sightings of a slushy. I know that we'd go straight to DEFCON 1 if anything like that happened. I've got the status list you gave me inside of my locker in joint top positioning with my Hope Solo poster. I didn't see anything happen, she just seems down."

"_Hold on a minute, I've got a call on the other line. Oh, its 00-Squid Lips. Thanks for the intel, Sugar. I owe you."_

"It's _Maple Syrup_, and you're-" Santana hung up. "Welcome." Sugar sighed and looked down to bench where Sam was being waterboy and chattering away into his phone.

"Santana, I just got my maths report back. I got a B minus!"

"_Sam, please tell me you did not just ring me to tell me your test score."_

"Uh no. Well you see, Britt didn't do too good. She seemed kinda upset, especially when she worked so hard for it. We spent all last night studying."

"_What do you mean by 'all last night'?" _Santana's voice suddenly acquired a hard edge to it.

"We were studying up until midnight and then I went straight home, I swear! Anyway she took off straight after class finished." He tried to look behind him at the bleachers without turning around which gave him the appearance of having an invisible itch he couldn't scratch.

"_Thanks, Sammy boy. I gots it from here."_

"Next time you hear from Merce-"

"_Don't panic, Trouty. She will hear nothing but non horrible things about you."_

"Thanks."

"_Whatever. Stop using up my battery."_

Brittany watched with an eyeroll as Sugar hung up her fervent half whispered conversation and Sam desperately tried not to look at her as he finished up speaking earnestly into his phone. To her complete non surprise her own phone began blasting out the theme tune to Fondue for 2.

"_Hey_," she couldn't help but hut smile at her caller the smile evident in the inflection in her voice.

"Hey baby. How's your day going?"

"_About a million times better now I've spoken to my wonderful girlfriend."_ Brittany giggled. "_How's your day going?"_

"Oh you know..." She looked at the test in her hand and crumpled it up and threw it in her bag. "School."

"_Yeah. I know. I can't wait until tomorrow. I'll be home by eight at the latest. I can't wait to see you."_

"Me too," Brittany's smile could be sensed in her words. "San, there's something I got to tell you." She said with a sly glance down at Sam who suddenly found the disaster of a football game very interesting. "I think Sam's stalking me."

"_Whu-what?"_

"You know we're study buddies and he's really cool at showing me tricks on how to make it easier to figure out the questions, and magic tricks too, not wanky ones though, but he walks me to class and we eat lunch together and sometimes if he can he'll walk me home. He's sitting at the bottom of the bleachers right now. What if he's in love with me?"

"_Uh... uh...uhhhh. Listen, B. If that mop headed, life preserver faced, pasty white school-boy strippergram is bothering you, I'll shave his Bieber head. Oh gross, I just pictured how he'd look."_

Brittany chuckled, "Like a weird lady parts face."

"_Britt, that's too gross."_

"And Sugar's being weird as well. Like, weirder than usual. What if _she's_ in love with me?" This thought somehow repulsed both girls at once, even more so than the thought of Sam crushing on Brittany. "Or... what if..." Brittany hummed, "You've got something you want to tell me, Santana?"

There was a momentary silence down the phone line and then Santana sighed in relief. _"Oh, thank god. Okay, I might have told Sam-"_

"Threatened."

"_Threatened Sam," _Santana acquiesced_, "to keep an eye on you for me and make sure, you know, you're okay. But if you're getting serious creeper vibes, Britt I will staple his pufferfish lips together."_

"I know, I know you would, I love you too. And Sugar? Is she on the payroll too? She's acting odder than usual. They're not very covert, you know."

"_Sugar...I don't..."_ Santana could hear the ominous silence down the phone. _"Apart from being naturally weird she might be the back up's backup. And she came to me and offered, what could I say? Trouty's phone balance is unreliable. I know for a fact he spends most of his call time on Aretha and then calls me up to tell me about his stupid math score! Uh... so how did your math test go today?"_

"I just want to forget about it."

"_Britt..."_

"I know. I did all this studying and still sucked."

"_You don't suck. Except for when, you know," _Santana cleared her throat, suddenly conscious she was in the college library. _"Ahem. Just say the word and I'll be right over and we'll run away to Europe or Antarctica, or anywhere you want and to hell with everyone's bullshit."_

"Sant-"

"_I mean it, B. I spend all week thinking about you and waiting for the weekend just wishing it would hurry up, and then on Sunday night I don't want to leave you. And I don't know if I can take much more of Sam's spy impressions when he calls. I thought he was murdering Sean Connery the other day but it turns out it he was supposed to be Liam Neeson."_

"You should have bribed Tina instead," Brittany looked around as though expecting Tina to materialise nearby. "At least I don't usually notice when she's around, she's so quiet in stealth mode." Brittany could hear Santana laughing down the line and smiled at the sound. "I cant wait until you get here. There's something I need to talk to you about."

"_Hmmm?"_

"Okay, so, every Thursday night we have a movie night at Tina's house. Me and Sam and Tina and Blaine, and Sugar turns up too even though I'm pretty sure she dumped Rory before he left so she can't be in the pity party club. Anyway, it has to be Thursday because you're back on Friday but, Sam's got nerd con next week so our movie marathon of heartbroken separation angst and sulking has to be moved to Friday, and we were wondering if you want to go? If you don't I wont go, that's cool."

"_Uh, yes?"_

"Awesome. I'm going to try to persuade Sugar to host this time."

"_Sugar? Why if you're usually at Tina's?"_

"That's what I want to talk to you about. We had a glee club meeting at Sugar's one evening, naturally I was snooping around and I saw something."

"_I don't want to know if you saw her parents getting it on."_

"No, her parents weren't even there. That's why the movie night has to be moved. We need to snoop some more."

"_What did you see?"_

"I'd rather not say over the phone. I don't know who could be listening. Except for Sugar, she looks like she's going to topple over if she tries to listen in any harder."

Brittany stared at Sugar until the younger girl made a great show of checking the time, grabbed her bag and ran off, slapping number Nine's butt as she skipped past him.

"Did you hire JBI? He might have tapped the line."

"_Naw, I did try to threaten him but he's more scared of you than he is of me after you went all Britney Spears on him. I think he's way too scared to even look at you, Britt, after you kicked the crap out of him. Ah, damn. I've got to go, my class is going in now. I'll see you tomorrow babe. Love you."_

"Love you too."

* * *

_a/n I reject Glee's reality and substitute my own_


	2. Chapter 2

_The response to the last chapter was amaze-balls. Thank you. So, you know how I start a fic and have no idea where its going? Yes. Another reason it takes me so long to update is because I am a terrible person._

* * *

2.

In a warm, sun filled classroom where half the students were dozing off from the pervading warmth and lack of intellectual stimulus, Brittany looked up and out of the window for the sixty ninth time, sighed and stared back down again at her paper. English lit. What was the point? It was like tying a rocket to a kangaroo.

She frowned at the paper, her eyes unseeing. Something was off. The paper? A4 white 80gsm standard copier paper. No, it wasn't that. She looked up and around the room where everyone was either sleeping or diligently scribbling away, apart from the joker in the corner who was picking his nose and alternating between eating it and flicking it at the girl sitting in front of him. It must be love. Something clicked in her mind and she looked out of the window again. Sitting on the hood of a familiar car was her girlfriend. Santana was checking her phone display, obviously waiting for the final buzzer to sound and school to be out for the day. Brittany grinned. Ten minutes left. She looked down and scrawled an answer. _Why did Sir Jeffrey leave lady blah blah blah?_

Because he loved her. He loved her and that was the answer to every damn question in this paper. He loved her and she loved him and they didn't have a damn clue what to do about it because it was so fucking confusing and scary and big, you know?  
She turned the page and read the last question, pausing to look out the window once more to see Santana squealing as she was tackled by a football player and lifted up into the air by Sam who was on his way to after school football practice. She smiled and checked the clock again. Three minutes remaining and one question left. _What is the overlying theme of the whole book?_ Love is the answer, she wrote, then folded the paper and skipped up to the teacher's desk dropping it in front of Mrs Hagberg who looked up in surprise.

"Brittany. You've finished?"

"Of course. It was easy. Laters."

* * *

Santana tried not to visibly wince as Brittany jumped on the hood of her car and slid over it to land straight into her girlfriend's arms. She discreetly looked for scratches on the polished red surface over Brittany's shoulder then yelped as she was spun around and thrown flat on her back onto the shiny paintwork.

"Britt, we're in school!" she laughed. "Did you miss me or something?"

Brittany pulled her up with a sheepish smile. "Or something," she said. "More than missed you. Hi."

"Hi," Santana giggled, then rolled her eyes at herself. She had actually fucking giggled like a lovestruck fool.

"You're early. And just in time for glee club."

"I skipped my last class. I wanted to see you more." The smile on her face flickered. "Uh, glee?"

"Remember how Rachel's not there?"

"I meant; It sounds great, babe, lets go."

* * *

Santana looked around the familiar room, eyeing the new faces with deep seated suspicion. "Who are they?" she asked Brittany, nodding towards a few unknown people.

"Dunno," Brittany shrugged. "Oh, one of them's something to do with Puck, may God rest his soul," she closed her eyes for a second. Joe's smile, from where he had been waving in greeting to Santana, turned to a look of confusion at Brittany's words.

Sugar winked surreptitiously at Santana as they set eyes on each other.

"Not very covert," Brittany leaned in and said in a hushed voice. "Want to see something funny?"

"Sure. Britt, I know you think something is up but she's always been a bit... different?"

"No, it's since you've gone she's all weird. Watch this."

"Hey Sugar," Brittany smiled and waved at Sugar who was on the other side of the room where she was trying to backcomb Artie's hair. The poor boy was in such a fluster at being so close to a pretty girl he wasn't even attempting to stop her. Sugar beamed and waved back happily. "She doesn't do that for just anybody. You know how particular her taste in people is. Now watch this. She likes you like loads she's always talking about you."

"I am awesome," Santana reached up to flick her hair back over her shoulder to Brittany's amusement. "Wait, you don't think she...?"

"Ewww no, don't be gross."

"Sugar!" Santana bellowed as the girl approached them. Sugar jumped to attention listening on edge for every word. "Report."

"Whuh?" Sugar's eyes flicked to Brittany who had discreetly moved away a bit and was tentatively touching Joe's dreadlocks. "She's right there," she hissed.

"I don't keep secrets from my girlfriend, Sugar."

"You didn't use the codenames. I spent ages thinking them up and you're not even going to to use them. What's the point? I just wasted my time." Sugar's voice got higher and higher pitched so Santana did the only thing she could to cut her off.

"Maple Syrup." Santana managed through gritted teeth. "Report. Any suspicious activity? Especially regarding Airbag Lips."

"He's been talking to Tina since he got here."

Santana emitted a disgusted tut. "Pah, see? Can't keep it in his pants. He's just goes after any woman he thinks he can get. Lucky he has no game. Remember what to do if he comes near B?"

Sugar's eyes widened and she stared away as though reading from an invisible piece of paper. "Blow the rape whistle and kick him in the balls, then call 911."

Santana clasped Sugar's shoulder. "You've been promoted, Maple Syrup. You're my number one operative. Pepe le pew is fired, I'm going to break it to him right across the skull."

"Awesome!" Sugar jumped onto Santana in a massive hug, much to her distress. Brittany watched them in amusement as Santana prised Sugar from her leather jacket. Such dorks but such adorable ones.

"I'll give a full report tonight when there's no one listening," Sugar grinned. "I know the choir room is bugged. Coach Sylvester told me to bug it but I told her I don't touch insects so she had Kitty do it."

"What's a Kitty?" Santana asked warily.

"New Cheerio. She in the report. Kinda mean."

"How's she with B?"

"Wont go for the jugular but abrupt and dismissive, until she wants Rainbow Warrior's awesome dance skillz."

"How mean are we talking on a scale of Mike Chang to Quinn Fabgay?"

"Psssh, bitch please, she ain't no Quinn Fabray," Sugar dismissed that thought with a snort. "Wait, are you on the scale?"

"No. I would top Fabray-" Sugar snickered at her remark. "Hey, that's not... Shut up." Santana whined as Sugar snorted with laughter.

"Are you coming tonight?" Sugar asked.

"Britt told me about it, is it okay if I come to yours, too?"

"Of course it is." Sugar squealed in delight, her mission momentarily forgotten as she ran over to Brittany and they began making plans about the evening. Santana sat next to Brittany and observed the shitstorm of a remnant of a glee club.

"Holy sweet hell, Mr Schue," Santana called over to him. "Listen to that!"

Everyone paused their conversations and tilted their heads to the side to listen.

"What? I don't hear anything." Blaine's eyebrows met in puzzlement.

"I can hear someone's pacemaker," Sugar whispered.

"It's the sound of Rachel Berry in New York," Santana announced with a grin.

"Amen," she heard Tina say.

"Okay settle down. Now lets talk about this weeks lesson which is 'Musical Pets'!"

"Ooooh," Brittany sat up in her seat and leaned forward to listen. Santana laughed to herself sat back and enjoyed the familiar surroundings while her hand entwined with Brittany's.

* * *

"No adult lives in this house," Santana scoffed as she looked into the pantry. The pity party had turned into a glee club party because the black hole of gloom and depression, Blaine, had pointed out it wouldn't be a pity party if Brittany's girlfriend was there, and it was therefore not fair on others who were still wallowing in despair. Sugar made a note to spike his hair gel with bleach.

Santana was methodically searching through every cupboard in Sugar's kitchen in the hunt for edibles. She reached the final cupboard and then turned to Sugar. "There's nothing but pink wafer biscuits and pink iced cookies in this one."

"They're my favourite."

"No sane adult would let you eat this. My mom would kill me with her bare hands if I tried this shit. It's no wonder you're hyperactive most of the time."

"Rude! Anyway, whatever. My mom is the coolest! What would you know?" Sugar huffed.

"Oooh pink wafers, I love them," Brittany reached past them scrambling to grab a pack.

"Where _are_ your parents, Sugar?" Tina asked out of interest. She'd never met them either.

"Ummm... they went out. I saw them earlier and they both said they were going to a party... So there."

"Do you have anything to eat that's not pink sugar, Sugar?" Sam asked warily. He was in the dog house with Sugar and Santana for some reason and wasn't quite sure why.

"Fucking rude, Squid lips. You're a guest and you'll eat what you're given," Santana spun around to face him.

"I, uh, I've got every takeaway menu in town. I'll go get them." Sugar ran off.

Brittany pulled Santana aside from where she was glaring daggers at Sam. "Now, while she's distracted. Come on."

Tina rolled her eyes and Sam and Blaine looked away, their minds all going to that place, as Brittany dragged Santana away. They scurried down the hall and to the door leading to the back of the property and out onto the grounds. Yes, grounds. Sugar was for some reason living in a mansion on twelve acres of perfectly manicured landscaped gardens with a tennis court, swimming pool and six acres of dedicated paddock.

"I thought I saw... It was hidden under a tarpaulin in the corner of the yard... a car." Brittany halted as they left the house and looked around the area for something familiar or suspicious.

"Oh my god, a car. If you had told me this over the phone I would have dropped everything and been here as soon as I possibly could."

Brittany turned to look at Santana with her arms folded looking decidedly unimpressed. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

"I'm sorry," Santana said with a dash of guilt. "I'm not sorry," she muttered. Brittany raised an eyebrow in response to her sass. "Okay, I am sorry. What about this car?"

"I only saw one corner of it but it looked like the wing and front offside headlight of a 1981 DMC-12 Delorean."

"I love it when you talk science to me." Santana gazed at her in adoration then came to her senses when someone inside turned on a karaoke machine and began to belt out a melancholy version of 'Paint it Black'. She cleared her throat and tried to focus. "Wait, is that like the one you and your dad are fixing up?

"Yes, but I'm not sure exactly what I saw. We'll find out."

"I don't really, one hundred percent understand... why is this weird, again?"

"They're extremely rare," Brittany explained patiently as they furtively crossed the drive to the back of the property where the outbuildings were located. "If it's a right hand drive there's only 17 in the entire planet, and why even is she hiding it? She's been acting more weird too, since you left."

"What's that?" Santana whispered and raised her arm to point over at a raised wooden decking area in between the back of the property and the grounds. Steam rose from a walled area in the centre of the deck and a beam of bright light shone up into the sky, the light bouncing off the steam and making it look like a searchlight onto the clouds above.

"What if she's a superhero?" Brittany said in a hopeful hushed whisper as they climbed the deck to get a better look at the giant, illuminated hot tub. "She's definitely up to something, hiding something," Brittany's eyes narrowed thoughtfully as she trailed her fingers in the clear, warm water.

"Like what? What do rich people hide, all suspiciously?" Santana froze and grabbed Brittany's arm snatching it up out of the water. "Oh god, what if it's bodies?"

"Why would your mind go there, Santana? I told you not to watch those late night movies unless I'm with you."

"What if it's drugs?" Santana's mind was on a wild ride now. "She's got to get all that money from somewhere. What if her parents are in the Mafia? What if they're drug lords?" Santana gasped with horror. "What if they're lawyers?"

"What if they're spies? I mean, Sugar's spying on me for you."

"Not spying, it's more like a live newsfeed."

"And we're spying on Sugar, but I know she's spying on me and you know because you're the one who asked her and then we're spying on Sugar," Brittany shrugged. "But she knows that as well."

"Hey, she offered to spy on you so I don't think it counts as spying if everyone knows it's happening. Hold up, what did you just say? How does she know that?"

"She's standing right behind you..."

"What are you doing?"

With a piercing shriek Santana jumped into Brittany's arms at the voice from an unexpected third person sounding behind her. Brittany turned slightly so Santana could peek out from where her head was tucked into Brittany's neck, half burrowed in her hair. They both looked to find Sugar standing at the bottom of the set of steps leading up to the decking area, her head cocked slightly to the side as she peered at them curiously.

"Nothing," Santana squeaked

"Artie said you were probably having sex in the hot tub. I came to check because it hasn't been cleaned for six months and you'd probably die if you went in the water."

Santana clenched her jaw at the words. Oh god, was she going to drown them in the hot tub?

"Oh, thanks," Brittany answered for them. "We wont do that then. Is your dad in the Mafia?"

Santana's eyes widened comically at Brittany's question. She gulped as she looked back at Sugar who seemed to have dropped the bubbly persona and was watching them carefully. Thank god for Brittany who matched her stare without flinching.

"No."

"Where are your parents? How come we never see them?" Brittany asked her.

"Oh my god, just cut to the chase, why don't you?" Santana moaned into Brittany's shoulder where she'd been trying to hide. "Okay Sugar, that's great, that's good to know, we're just going to go back to the party now," Santana babbled. "Yes, that's what we're doing," she said as she disentangled herself from Brittany and tried to drag Brittany with her by the arm. "C'mon," she hissed as Brittany's feet seemed to stick to the floor in front of Sugar.

Brittany and Sugar stood six feet apart, their gaze unwavering as they tried to outstare each other. They eyed each other warily. "I will find out what you're hiding, Sugar. I promise you."

Sugar didn't blink. "You'll never guess. Not in a million years."

They locked steady gazes until Sugar scrunched her nose up and asked in a whiny voice. "But we can still be friends while doing it, right?"

Brittany grinned. "Of course, don't be silly."

Sugar beamed at her. "Okay, cool."

Santana watched them both in disbelief. This was a serious business and they're just... "Oh you know what? You two have your little secrets I'm going to go and berate Sam some more."

"Wait a second," Brittany wrapped her arm around Santana's waist and tugged her back into her arms. "What's up with Sam? Why are you on his case?"

"He's uh... uh..."

"A douchebag?" Sugar offered.

"What she said," Santana nodded. Brittany tapped her toe to the ground, waiting for further explanation. Santana cast a wild eyed look for help to Sugar.

"He...he...," Sugar thought fast. "I asked him out and he basically laughed in my face and I told Santana and she's like helping me get over it by... belittling him?"

"Oh, that's odd," Brittany gripped Santana tighter. "Because I thought it was because he asked me out and you were jealous, Santana."

"Wow," Sugar gasped. "She's good, she's like, really good. You're, like, doomed for the rest of your life because she can read you like those alphabet fridge magnets, which are actually kinda hard to read if they're not spaced properly."

Santana spluttered. "He's a fucking low life scumbag!"

"No, he's not."

"He is! He puts the moves on my woman when she's taken and when I'm not even around and-"

"He didn't. He thought because you were away that we weren't so serious anymore. I set him straight and he told me he liked me and that was it. He said he respects me and my relationship but wanted me to know the truth anyway."

"He did that?" Santana huffed.

"He did. So don't be so hard on him, please?"

"I heard he's coated in STD's," she muttered and tried to manhandle the subject around. "And what's this Kitty bitch been up to?"

"Sugar!" Brittany's stern glare worked fast.

"What? It's my job! My secret job, which I don't even get paid for!"

"That's your secret? You're spying on me for Santana? I already knew that."

"Observing not spying. This isn't the CIA... Yet."

"Aww Sugar, sweetie. Santana cant keep anything from me, she's the worlds worst liar. She gets all stressy and tense and snappy," Santana fidgeted uncomfortably, "and angry and moody and brooding when she's keeping a secret. It took me about three seconds to get it out of her and to confess, and we weren't even face to face, more like ear to ear."

"Oh no, not that," Sugar smiled in relief. "I know that, I thought you meant the other secret."

"How many secrets do you have?"

Sugar looked down at her hand, her fingers twitched as though she were counting.

"Sugar, are you in trouble? Did you steal a car? Is the Mafia after you? Did they kill your parents and now they're hunting you down? Is the trunk full of drugs? Are you a drug dealer?" Sugar stared at her, wide eyed looking more and more frightened by the second as Brittany's words rained down on her.

"B, you're scaring her."

"The Mafia? No? No, no, no. Unless they are? I don't know. Are they? The Mafia are out to get me?" Sugar's lip began to tremble. "But why? I haven't done anything."

"No no, Sug, no one's out to get you," Santana reassured her. "You were right, we were just looking for somewhere to get our sweet lady kisses on."

"The foods here!" A scream came from out of a window around the side of the mansion and then someone else howled like a wolf for some unknown reason.

"Let's just forget this ever happened and go and stuff our faces into oblivion. I am starving hungry. Lets go now, please," Santana begged. "The steam effect from this hot tub is giving me creepy vibes."

Brittany looked at the tub longingly. "Are you sure we cant go in the water?"

"It would boil your skin off, or mutate you or something."

"Test it on Sam first," Santana said, tugging Brittany away with her.

Sugar watched as they scurried away she turned back and looked into the hot tub. The clear steaming water began to ripple before her eyes and she looked around nervously to check she was alone. The hot tub slid to one side leaving a gaping hole leading down into the bedrock beneath the deck. She peered into the darkness, covering her eyes with her arm as a spotlight shone up out of the tunnel.

"What are you doing? Don't open this until everyone's gone," she hissed into the hole. Sugar looked around again suspiciously. "They don't have any evidence to go on. There was something about a car though. You heard that?"

Sugar looked up as another shout of 'Foood!' echoed around the grounds. She startled as a wad of rolled up fifties flew up out of the hole as though fired from a cannon. Sugar's hand reached out and she snatched the cash in her hand. She laughed at her impressive reflexes.

"I know, right? I should be on the Cheerios. Thanks," Sugar chuckled down into the black well. "And don't worry, I ordered your favourites too."


	3. Chapter 3

3.

"Oh no, not another one. I don't think I can take much more of this."

The select members of Glee Club whom Sugar had deemed worthy to darken her doorstep, watched in amusement and relief as Sugar stomped over to Blaine and snatched the Official Glee Club bedazzled microphone, magnanimously donated by Rachel Berry, from his hands.

"Enough!" She shouted at him. "Seven miserable songs is enough. I must have forgotten to clean my ears out this morning because the last time I checked this was a democracy!"

Blaine stared at her in shock at being forced to stop mid-croon and then being unceremoniously yelled at. He then made the mistake of dumbly reaching toward her to take back the microphone.

"Get off!" she slapped his hands.

"Just one more," he begged. "It's Kurt's favourite."

"Yeah well, Kurt isn't here for you to bore to death, so get off and let someone else have a turn. Like Tina."

While Blaine stomped off in a sulk, Sugar looked around puzzled at the sounds of applause only to find Santana and Brittany clapping her outburst of brutal honesty enthusiastically from where the couch they had staked out as their own, Joe had a bruised ass to prove it. Sugar grinned at them and then skipped off looking proud of herself.

"I'm not sure how we became friends with her," Santana pondered, "because if she ever got tested she would probably turn out to be ninety percent insane, but at least she tells it like it is. And she's kind of hilarious with it."

"Blaine!"

Santana watched with interest as Sugar tailed him across the room and screeched when he attempted to investigate the substantial LP collection in the corner. "If you get one drop of hair grease on those my mom will rip that greasy tuft off your head and build a wicker man using your hair gel as lighter fluid."

"Is hair gel flammable?" Santana asked her girlfriend curiously.

"Depends what kind he uses," Brittany answered. "Judging from the blinding reflective glare from his hair I expect he uses lard. Then again, everything becomes flammable if you put enough hair gel on it."

"Sugar, you've got some serious hardware going on in this place. Do your parents have shares in the CIA?" Artie wheeled by, his eyes eagerly scanning the room for every piece of electronic equipment he could see.

"What?" Sugar's looked startled by the question and she looked around from warily watching Blaine's every move to find no one but Artie and Brittany were paying her response any attention. "What, uh, do you mean the security cameras?" She asked. "Oh yeah, my mom installed them after the last time Brittany went snooping."

"You mean, she _had them _installed," Artie said.

"No, no," Sugar corrected him with a snort at his sexist assumption. "Are your ears malfunctioning as well as your brain? She put them in herself."

Santana was distracted, busily trying to sneak her hand up Brittany's shirt but Brittany's eyes were levelled on Sugar while she absently slapped Santana's wandering hands away.

"Hey! I wasn't snooping," Brittany protested at Sugar's accusation. "I am a naturally curious person."

"We can snoop again later. When everyone's in a food coma," Santana whispered in her ear. "Or we could, you know, go find some privacy. Missed you all week long, baby..."

"Keep it PG, you two!" Sugar pointed at them until Santana held her hands up in the air in temporary surrender. "There are kids present."

"Yeah, Santana. Like those delivery kids over there. Why did they send four delivery people with the food?" Brittany asked, indicating Jake, Ryder, Marley and Kitty who were setting out the recently delivered food.

"I gave the servants the night off," Sugar said. She caught Brittany's eye and they both looked away before either of their deadpan façades broke.

"Aren't they in glee club with you?" Santana asked. Brittany shrugged.

"This collection is amazing, Sugar," Blaine interrupted, looking mightily impressed and slightly more cheerful than he had five minutes before. "Some of these are originals and this... wow. Can we put some on later?" Blaine asked hopefully.

"Uh..." Sugar looked uncertain but seeing how he'd perked up and 'marginally more happy Blaine' was infinitely better than 'misery guts Blaine', she relented. "So long as you promise not to sing any more tonight. And I'm the only one who handles them. Or Santana."

Santana looked over at hearing her name mentioned. Her eyes narrowed in concentration as she peered over at the vinyl stacked from floor to ceiling.

"Is that Billie Holiday?" Blaine squeaked in a passable imitation of Kurt. "My god, Santana. These are _all_ originals. Jonny Cash," Blaine squeaked in excitement. "Etta James."

Santana sat up like a meerkat, torn between the comfort of Brittany's arms and decades old molded plastic. Unique skipped over excitedly and fanned herself with a record as she giggled at the names Blaine was reading out to her.

"Holy shit, you guys," Sam came running into the room. "I've found what must be the games room, it's more like an arcade!" He exited again a second after skidding to a halt and spluttering with excitement.

There was a momentary stampede as everyone scattered around the room had tried to squeeze through the doorway at once after Sam. It ended with Blaine casting a wistful glance at the discarded microphone as he left the room. Brittany and Santana remained entangled on the couch as they quietly watched everyone leave. Only Sugar remained, putting a Chinese food carton under her arm and heading for the opposite door to the one everyone had run out of.

"Hey," Brittany called after her. "Where are you going with those prawn balls? They're my favourite," Brittany's bottom lip jutted out dangerously.

Sugar halted and looked back appearing mildly guilt stricken. "You've already got a side order all to yourself. They're... I'm just moving them out of the way before Blaine starts sobbing into them."

"Oh, I get it. You're right, that could get nasty if his gel dripped in it. That's why you should bring them over here instead."

"But..."

"Sugar."

Sugar side eyed the light fitting in the middle of the ceiling and slowly walked over to Santana and Brittany whereupon Santana attempted to liberate the prawn balls from her hands.

The light fitting rotated silently, moving slowly as it tracked Sugar's progress across the room. It stopped abruptly when Brittany looked straight at it with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Let go!" Santana said through gritted teeth as a desperate tug of war broke out between her and Sugar.

"No. You cant have all the balls, Santana.

"Do you treat all your guests like this?"

"You're not a guest you're… hogging all the balls!" Sugar squealed. "Get off!"

"They're Brittany's favourite."

"I know they are!"

"Give me the balls."

"No!"

"Sugar," Santana yelled, much to Sugar's embarrassment. "Get off of Brittany's balls!"

"Stop saying balls, it's freaking me out!"

"Balls, balls, balls, balls!"

"Britt, tell her!" Sugar pleaded with Brittany for some sanity but it was too late. The greasy food tray slid out of Santana's hands, the end flipped up in the air due to the unexpected loss of force and battered prawn balls rained down on a sofa sitting Brittany who was still peering with interest at the now stationary light fitting.

"Now look at what you've done!" Sugar yelled while Santana blinked in surprise at being hit in the face by balls.

"Huh, didn't see that coming," Santana muttered.

Sugar looked down at the tray in her hands where a few paltry balls remained. She glared at Santana who was busy wiping the grease from her fingers on what she hoped was Sam's jacket.

"Ha!" Santana smirked at the sight of most of the balls scattered in the near vicinity, gloating with her supposed victory. "Quick, Britt. Five second rule." But Brittany was way ahead of her and happily munching on prawn balls while looking thoughtfully between Sugar and the lights.

Far beneath the Motta mansion a voice muttered, "Shit."

* * *

Hewn into the bedrock beneath the estate a naturally formed cave had been enlarged and modified. A large glass screen took up a large expanse of one side of the cave wall and was currently displaying projected images from security feeds from all over the Motta estate. In front of the screen, situated in a comfortable, black leather operator's chair with their legs curled up underneath them, someone watched closely as Santana began to seemingly scarf as many prawn balls as she could while Brittany stared right at the hidden camera's location.

"Shit, shit, shit."

The figure reached over to the control panel in front of them and tapped a few buttons. The camera feed zoomed in on Sugar who fumbled for her phone in her tight jeans as it blasted out 'Sugar's mom has got it going on, she's all I want and I've waited for so long'

"Who's that?" Santana asked with a mouth full of food.

Sugar ignored her and tapped a button to answer. Without so much as a hello she began chattering away.

"Stop changing my ringtone all the time. It's not even funny! The cops stopped me in the street yesterday because some old lady reported me when my phone started playing Candyshop when I was walking past a kindergarten. I know my name is Sugar, but come on!"

She began to pace the floor in front of Santana and Brittany who were curled up together on the sofa again and watching her with avid interest while throwing back prawn balls like they were pieces of popcorn.

"It's not your job to embarrass me. It's not. There's no handbook, you're lying. Yes. I know. Oh my god, I am quite capable of maintaining order you know. I haven't even had a reason to get the stun gun out of the box yet or anything."

Brittany and Santana exchanged a wide eyed glance.

"Okay, I'll.. yes...I can handle them. God, stop going on about it, I'll do it!" She hung up with a cross huff. "Yeah, that was my mom. Just checking everything is all right. I've got to go... feed the fish."

She grabbed the few remaining prawn balls and taking the spoils of war, turned and ran.

"I thought she'd never leave," Santana smirked. "Lets go!" she turned to see Brittany stuffing her face. "Or maybe in a minute."

* * *

Sugar stood in front of the subterranean projector screen and watched as Santana and Brittany disappeared from one room to another showing up on a different camera every few seconds.

"They're snooping around again," the operator tapped the keyboard and a camera zoomed in on the two girls sneaking out of the back of the house. Sugar sighed with frustration at the sight of the troublemakers. "Get back up there and head them off. Leave the prawns."

"I'm sorry, I could only get four. I've never seen someone so short eat so much."

"Don't worry about it, Sugar. You should be more worried about them finding 'The Batcave'."

Sugar sighed and pinched her fingers against the bridge of her nose with a pained expression on her face. "We've been over this before, we are not calling it 'The Batcave'."

"Don't be such a spoilsport. You said 'The Lair' was too creepy. What about 'The Workshop'?"

"It sounds like something from a horror film."

"'Headquarters'?"

Sugar let out a huge unimpressed sigh, unique to the teenage race, and stomped off back to the ladder which had led down from the hot tub. She stepped carefully over car parts which were strewn all over the cave floor from the stripped down DeLorean which was parked in the middle of the open space. A large metal plate covered the centre of the floor of the cave which, when activated, was a large elevated platform leading up to the ground level.

"This is harder than I thought it would be. You're making this more difficult and time consuming than it has to be," she called back over her shoulder.

"You invited them over!" The operator chuckled.

"It was Brittany's idea! How am I supposed to say no to that face?"

"Tell them not to wander around the estate because the hounds are unleashed in the evening."

"Not funny!"

"Quick, they're heading for the stables. Get over there!"

* * *

After clambering out of the hot tub tunnel, Sugar ran to the stable hurtling around the open door and slammed straight into Santana's back. Brittany jumped in response to the intrusion from where she was standing next to Santana and quickly reacted, ending up steadying both girls and stopping them from hitting the dusty ground. Santana and Brittany, and apart from the body slam, didn't seem all that surprised that Sugar had stumbled into the barn so shortly after they got there.

Without uttering a word between the three of them, they all stood and stared at the secret the young couple had found hidden in one of the stalls.

"Sugar?" Santana finally broke the silence.

"Hmm?" Sugar hummed with wide eyes.

"Please tell me this, because I cannot think of a single reason, not one, and usually I can come up with some really wild ideas but this... this... Tell me... Why it is that Finn Hudson is gagged and tied to a chair in your stables?"

"Oh, that's easy. He smells funny, I didn't want him stinking up the house."

"Huh," Brittany rubbed her nose. "Can't argue with that."

Finn began to struggle and make muffled mmrpphmrhhpmmrh sounds as he begged with his eyes for the girls to untie him.

No one moved a muscle.

There was a tiny bit of Finn, probably the bit containing his only brain cell, that didn't expect any help from these three ladies in front of him. He was pretty certain Santana hated him, he didn't know what Sugar's problem was but she spent way too much time with Brittany to ever be sympathetic towards him, and as for Brittany; he had always been afraid of that look she got in her eye when she looked at him. That cold, desolate, stony stare. The one that reminded him of how Quinn sometimes used to look at him.

"And, I guess," Sugar continued on, shrugging her shoulders, "so that he can't shout for help and escape."

"What are you going to do with the body?" Brittany asked Sugar while looking straight into Finn's soul.

His eyes widened and he thrashed wildly against his restraints until sweat began to bead on his brow. He stopped struggling and turned bright red with relief when Brittany and Sugar creased up with laughter, Brittany slapping Sugar's shoulder as a tear trickled down her cheek.

"I gotta say," Santana admitted. "This was not what I expected you to be hiding. I'm mildly impressed."

"Yes well," Sugar began airily. "I'm just full of surprises. You found my secret, now lets go." She grabbed both girls by their sleeves and attempted to tug them back out of the stable.

"Whoa there, hold your horses," said Brittany, not budging as Sugar tugged at her. Santana snorted at her joke.

"Yes, Sugar, lets not get hasty," Santana calmly removed Sugar's hand from both her and Brittany. "Why is Fudson here?"

"I don't know, he was there this morning when I came in to feed the horses. I didn't put him there."

"Interesting," Brittany mused. "What happened to the car that was here before? In the stable, under a tarpaulin."

"Uhhhh," Sugar stared frozen. "Repairs. Yes, it's being repaired, that's it, and we need to go now before the hounds are unleash- I mean, the guard dogs are let out for the night so they don't eat us and you know, stuff."

"What the hell is that disgusting stink?" Santana scrunched up her nose in disgust.

"It does smell funny in here," Brittany sniffed the air. They all turned in sync and looked at Finn who scowled back at them and huffed.

"Ah, well... hounds and... booze!" Sugar yelled. "It's time to crack open the booze!" Sugar jumped up and down on the spot having found the magic word to get the girls' attention and ran out of the stable excitedly.

Santana's face lit up at the word. Booze?

"Smaghhdaghh, smaddghhaghh." Finn choked out through his gag, presumably shouting to his best hope out of the three, Santana. Alas, it was in vain. Brittany gave him an evil smirk and a quick wave before shutting the stable door on him.

Outside, the air radiated energy as booming music carried from the house. The smell of food reached them as an empty beer bottle flew out of a downstairs window and landed on the gravel drive. The sound of the Backstreet Boys song 'I want it that way' pumped out along with the glee club's singing.

"They're playing our jam," Brittany yelled, grabbing both their hands and ran to the house.


	4. Chapter 4

_I'm sorry for the delay. Glee stabbed me in the heart repeatedly (you know the feeling) and I didn't want to write for a while. But it turns out I have all these feelings, feelings for Brittana, that cannot be contained._

* * *

4.

"How did you get the drinks cabinet open?" Sugar asked in wonder at the sight of her parents' stash of liquor now liberated and being lined up on the coffee table by Jake. "There's a deadlock, a finger print scanner and a passcode."

"Lady, I am a Puckerman, and I'm more than a little insulted you think I'm not capable of that. Second of all... Tina opened it. She got mad when Blaine hid the microphone."

"You know, you disappoint me every time you don't have a mohawk," Sugar eyed Jake's hair thoughtfully.

"Uh... I'm sorry?" Jake didn't really know how to respond to that but fortunately Sugar's attention was short lived as she looked over at a commotion in the far side of the room.

"Aww crapstix. What idiot with no sense of life preservation gave Santana tequila?"

She looked around for backup as Santana laid into a wide eyed Sam.

"And another thing, Fish Face. Unless you want me to rip your lady lips off of your face and use them as fish bait I suggest you don't even look at my girlfriend ever again. If you think she's in the vicinity you close your eyes and think about what I will do to your future potential briny veined children."

"Don't break anything or there'll be a murder and it wont be me because I am not taking the blame for damages, Santana. Santana, stop!"

Outside, Brittany was sitting in the hot tub alone, away from the noise of the house, the fighting, the singing, the crying. She hummed contentedly to herself and using the water surface as a drum kit, splashed her palm into the surface. She looked up at the sound of a scream and then something smashing, something sounding a lot like glass breaking, from inside the house.

Huh, she wondered where Santana had got to with her roasted peanuts.

The back door slammed open and Sugar ran out frantically looking around for something or someone. Guiltily, Brittany sank a little lower into the tub she had been forbidden to use and tried to look inconspicuous, only giving up when Sugar knelt down next to the side of the tub and stared right at her.

"Britt, please can you come and stop your girlfriend from massacring the entire glee club? She's screaming 'There's always a bigger fish' at Sam, and I don't want him peeing on the carpet again." Sugar paused for breath, her eyes running over Brittany's face curiously. "Why is there lipstick all over you? Nope, don't answer that."

"I know you said not to get in the tub but Santana got the water tested first and she said I wont die."

"What?" Sugar scrunched her nose up in confusion.

"Wait, why is Sam peeing on the carpet? I thought he was house trained."

"You'd think, it is the nineties after all. But anyway, Santana is going to start crying if you don't hurry. Hold up, how did she test the water in the first place?" Sugar asked, curious now that Brittany's words had sunk into her brain.

"She put some in Sam's drink. Umm, can you send her out here? I'm kind of fifty percent naked right now and I don't want the rest of the glee club to fall in love with me any more than they already are. Also, Santana will cry even more if I walk around like this."

Sugar's gaze dropped to the water to attest for the truth in that statement and sure enough she was quick to slap her hand over her eyes.

"I don't need this kind of mental scarring in my life," she muttered as she got up and stumbled away with her eyes still covered.

"Oh, and Sugar?"

The girl span around squinting with one eye half open so as not to cop an eyeful.

"And another drink, please."

"What are you drinking?"

"It's purple. Santana made it."

"Um, okay." Sugar's eyes widened and she sped up as a high pitched screaming coming from the house rent the air. "Don't you touch anything Brittany Susan!" She shouted back towards the tub as she ran towards the screams.

"That's what my girlfriend is for!" Brittany shouted back. "I mean, I love her! ...If she happens to be listening!"

Brittany leaned back and relaxed, resting her arms around the edge of the tub. She reached over to finish her remaining drink but knocked the cup over spilling the liquid over the deck.

"Awww crap."

She tried to grab the cup before it emptied but nudged a small wooden cover disguised as part of the decking. She looked with interest at the large red button hidden underneath the panelling. Hmmm. Below the button read the instruction – Warning: Do not press.

...

...

..

A loud rumbling sound emitted from beneath the raised decking the hot tub was built into and the water began to slosh from side to side splashing over the edge. Brittany held on tightly to the sides, wide eyed, as the tub began to sink into the ground. She looked up at the night sky now fifty feet above her head, catching her breath and finally closing her mouth as the tub's descent came to a halt in a large underground cave.

As the water levelled out Brittany blinked furiously and shook her head finally breaking out of the stupor which had kept her vocal chords turned to the off position so far.

She looked over to one of the few light sources in the cave where someone with a woollen beanie hat was sitting on a swivel chair eating something out of a takeaway food carton.

"I thought you weren't going to use that entrance while everyone was here," came a food muffled inquiry.

When no answer was forthcoming the occupier of the chair span it around to look at the hot tub. Two pairs of eyes locked onto one another. Brittany's astonished gaze morphed into confusion and her forehead wrinkled into a frown.

The operator's jaw dropped open in shock. After a full minute or staring at each other in gobsmacked silence the operator muttered an, "Oops," and reached back to the control console wildly bashing at the keys until the right button was struck. Their eyes didn't part until Brittany and her hot tub chariot raised back in to the cave roof and up the tunnel.

Brittany stared straight ahead unseeing until the hot tub reached its original position. Her brain was still furiously working over the sight she had just witnessed. In the words of one Ms Santana Lopez - What the actual fuck?

Brittany stared off blankly into the now still waters of the tub, thoroughly confused beyond all belief. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was aware of her girlfriend making her way from the house to the tub giggling drunkly at every stumbled step.

"What are you doing out here, Britt Britt Britt? Sugar said we cant have sex in the hot tub upon penalty of she'll turn the heat up so my hair goes frizzy. What a bitch, I don't know where she gets it from. She sent me outside because I made Blaine cry and that's worser than having him sing. Oh my god, you've got to see this thing I found as well. It's a magical glass which never ever empties."

She stared reverently at the glass in her hand for a long moment which, unbeknownst to her, Sugar had been sneakily refilling at every opportunity in a successful attempt to distract her by getting her drunk.

"It's like a fairytale," she whispered, then smiled as she flopped onto the decking next to the tub and turned to look at Brittany, putting the glass down as she did so. "We could make a helluva load of money with this. Or if not you should invent it and make lots of money and I can be your super hot trophy wife who keeps you happy forever and ever and..."

She began to cry at the sudden horrible thoughts running through her mind.

"Don't ever leave me, Brittany, ever. Don't leave me, I couldn't bear it. I'd die. I don't know how to-" Her wail cut off any more words which may have made sense.

Brittany had returned to her senses upon hearing Santana crying and pulled the girl closer to her, over the edge of the tub and into the warm water until she rested on Brittany's lap with her girlfriend's arms around her waist.

"No more tequila for either of us, I think," Brittany aid quietly. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Whatsyooour talking about, Britt Britt?" Santana squeaked from where her head was nestled under Brittany's chin, in an indignant high pitched voice, her tears abruptly over. "This is my first drink, see? Look there's my sticklip there and there and there." She pointed at Brittany's cheek and lipstick marks which led to Brittany's lips. "And there and there and I loves you Brittany baby, love of my life, keeper of my heart, lover of my lady loins, supreme empress of..."

Brittany's shellshocked status finally became noticeable to Santana's eyes which were swimming in tequila when she sat there numbly and didn't respond as she she usually would to her girlfriend's kisses.

"Are you okay? Why aren't you kissing me or laughing at my cuteness? Why are you looking like that? Did Finn get out? Did you pee in the tub? Because a heads up would have been cool before you got me all wet. What are you doing in here anyway when there's like warmth and indoor stuff indoors?"

Brittany stared at Santana, lost for words.

"What's the matter, babe? Is it because you got your SAT scores and they're having you tested for super genius?

Brittany shook her head.

"You want to run away with me and live in NYC but don't know how to tell me?"

Brittany couldn't help but crack a smile at that. "Well duh, but no, that's not it. One of your greatest sexual fantasies may be getting closer to reality."

Santana's mouth fell open and she gasped. "You can fly?"

"Not quite, but I'm getting closer to it. What are your thoughts on cloning?"

"I-uh... shit, I'm drunk." Santana shook her head trying to clear her fuddled head. "Did you say cloning? Because I can honestly say I've never... Brittany, what? What even? Just, what?"

"There's no easy way to tell you this, but Santana, I've been cloned."

There was a deafening silence. Santana's face contorted as she scrambled for something to say which could be deemed an appropriate response. But what can you say to something like that? The pause was broken by a few bubbles escaping from the depths of the water. Santana raised an eyebrow as they raced past their legs and broke the surface.

"That wasn't me," Brittany insisted hurriedly. A couple more large bubbles escaped.

"Sure it wasn't. Honey, have you been drinking the tequila, too?" Santana squinted lopsidedly as she peered into Brittany's eyes.

"No, I'm not drunk. Santana, I'm serious about this."

"You're half naked," Santana pointed out evidence of stripper!drunk Brittany.

"I'm a little bit drunk, but-"

"Whoa, you're half naked!" Santana did a time lapsed double take. "No. Focus, Santana," she said to herself staring at Brittany's chest through the water. Santana's palm slapped the water's surface as her mind began to jump to conclusions. "Britt! Oh crap, I know what's happening. The water is contaminated, Sugar was right."

Brittany jumped as Santana yelled in far too close proximity to her ear.

"SUGAR! Get out here now! Imma kill her. Of course it wouldn't have worked when it was tested on the guppy, he's got fish DNA. SUGAR!"

"Santana," Brittany sighed, resigned to the fact that Santana was too drunk to listen.

"Hmm?"

"I'm all right. I promise."

"Are you sure?" Santana inspected her face closely with obvious suspicion. "What number am I thinking of?"

"Sixty nine."

"You're so smart," Santana cooed as she curled her arms around Brittany's neck and leaned in for a kiss.

"This had better be good," Sugar huffed all the way over from the house. "Sam finally stopped bleeding and now Jake and Ryder are arm wrestling and I think they're going to start stripping and if I miss that because you want a top up you'll never hear the end of it. I don't know how many times I have to tell you I am destined for greater things in life and I am not picking up my clothes when there's like a maid and-"

Sugar screeched as she realised the action going down in her hot tub.

"Oh my god! My eyes! My eyes are burning! I'll have to have them removed by science. If that's how lady babies are made like a primordial soup thing going on then I'm going to burn this tub to the ground. Wait, are those boobs?"

Santana stuck a hand over the edge of the tub, her lips never leaving Brittany's, and gave her a thumbs up.

"I'm leaving," said Sugar and then made a retching noise.

"Don't move an inch," Santana pointed a finger dead at her causing the girl to freeze in her tracks. "I am going to sue your ass off, I don't care how rich you are."

"What, why now?" Sugar asked, puzzled. "That could be interesting."

"How rich are you?"

"I'm not even," Sugar gasped indignantly. "My allowance sucks. It shouldn't even legally be called an allowance, it should be called pity money or even hush money."

She stopped her rant early when she noticed both Brittany and Santana staring at her like she'd gone mad.

"Anyway, my parents might not like you suing me." She wrinkled her nose up in discomfort and asked, "Could you like, do me a favour and put your hands up where I can see them? The both of you."

"We're leaving," Santana stood emphatically and the water poured off her still fully clothed body, although her dress had ridden up suspiciously. "Brittany is delirious and needs me to nurse her."

Sugar's eye twitched and she snorted. "Nurse her, right. That's great, you do that somewhere where I'm not in the vicinity and yeah. Boobs!" She squeaked as Santana pulled a topless Brittany to her feet

"And mark my words, Sugar-I know where you live-Motta. You'll be hearing from my lawyer if there's any more Brittanys running around."

Sugar visibly paled and gulped as she stared at the two girls. Santana wasn't paying any attention to her as she stumbled out of the tub but Brittany eyed Sugar curiously over Santana's shoulder.

"That tub needs to be decontaminated or so help me, Sugar, I will pee on everything you love," Santana ranted.

Sugar and Brittany scrunched up their noses in disgust.

"Ummm..." Sugar watched as they gathered discarded articles of clothing "I hope you feel better soon Britt," Sugar said quietly. To her surprise and Santana's increasing worries, Brittany snorted with laughter.

"I'll see you on Monday, Sug, and we can discuss my theories on cloning."

"Oh, we can? Oh good, oh... cloning?"

Santana huffed. "Don't think this gets you out of your spying duties."

Sugar was just now plain confused as Santana hugged her. "You're crazy but I miss you sometimes. Tell anyone that and I'll deny it forever. See you in a few weeks when I come back. Bye."

"Bye, Sugar," Brittany smirked as Sugar watched them take their leave, wide eyed and slack jawed, her hand fumbling in her pocket for her phone.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

Brittany rocked up to the main gates to the school on her bicycle. She didn't wear a helmet. Her mother always told her to take one but she insisted she was a professional badass and amateur motocross rider and didn't need a helmet on a push bike. Besides, everyone got out of her way so it wasn't like she was going to have an accident as Stoner Brett demonstrated by diving over a waist height hedge to get out of the path of her unrelenting bike.

The occupants of a large black 4x4 with tinted windows and the license plate P-LZ watched as the sea of students parted in front of Brittany's bicycle as clearly as the parting in Blaine's greasy hair as Brittany free wheeled to the bike racks.

In the passenger seat of the car Sugar let out an impressive sigh.

"Sugar, we've been here seven minutes. Get out of the car."

"No. You cant make me."

"You have to go to school. I cant afford to make any more donations to keep Figgins off our backs."

"Why can't I stay home today?"

"Kids have to go to school, it's in the Constitution."

"It is not."

"If you went to school you'd learn about it and know for sure. I'm pretty sure its the law or no one would go except the teachers and nerds. Anyway, you have enough days off when we're in the middle of big projects so you need to go when you can so no one gets suspicious."

Sugar huffed, glaring at the straps of her bag she had gripped tightly in her hands and made no move to leave the comfortable vehicle.

"If your mother was here she'd say, 'If I had to suffer through school then there's no way you're getting out of it. So suck it up, get your ass in there and show them who'-"

"Yeah well, she's not even here," Sugar interrupted, muttering darkly.

"Then why don't you go in there and work on that and I'll go home and work on that, too."

Sugar scowled at the students through the darkened window entering the school, laughing and joking with each other. "I don't want to see her. It's going to be awkward. And anyway, this all your fault!"

"Whoa now, Sugar bean. If I remember rightly you invited them over."

"You could have said no and not let me invite them over!"

"Aww honey, but you were so excited it was cute. You looked like your Mami and I couldn't say no to that face." Sugar's mother tried to hide a smile at the expression on the girl's face, the familiar pout and the furrowed brow. Sugar scrunched up her nose at the scrutiny.

"See, you're doing it again. All you have to do if questioned is deny everything. Never apologise, never explain. Or make something really confusing up and then people stop asking."

"She'll know I'm lying," Sugar sniffed then let out a suspiciously enthusiastic cough and wheeze. "I'm sick. I should be in bed. I'm dying. Take me home."

"I don't even know who you think you're trying to fool. Wrong parent, sweetie. That doesn't work on me. I know every trick in the book, I rewrote the book, with some help from my super hot co-author."

"This is for real, mom! I've never had to try and lie before. You let me have days off if I'm not feeling it." Sugar initiated the puppy dog eyes manoeuvre.

"Not me, kiddo. Your mother is the sucker. Look, if you go in there without a fuss and don't cry-"

Sugar's bottom lip jutted out and began to tremble.

"No, no, no! Don't you pull that... Sugar," she pleaded as Sugar's lip stuck out and wobbled. "I'll make your favourite for dinner tonight, I promise."

"Without vegetables?"

"Not a cabbitch in sight."

"And don't put cheese on anything?"

"The cheese will be optional."

"Okay," Sugar beamed and happily hopped out of the car. "See you later! Love you, bye. Don't let anyone see you. No, wait!" She tried to move but her mother had grabbed her by her jacket.

"Aww mom, not a kiss. I'm seventeen! Seventeen year olds don't get kissed by their moms or get dropped off by their moms. They have their own cars and a bigger allowance and-"

Sugar took a fatal look back into the car. Her bluster deflated immediately and she leaned in and kissed her mother on the cheek.

"Are you wiping my cheek now? Mo-om, stoppit!" She whined.

"It's got lipgloss on it now, you big baby." They grinned at each other. "Bye Sugar. Have a good day. Slap Marley's ass for me."

"Mom!" Sugar yelped.

"I'll pick you up after glee. I love you!" Sugar's mom yelled as the car door slammed shut. Sugar gave a small wave as her mother drove away and suddenly became very socially aware and hurriedly left the scene of her embarrassment and entered the school.

Next to the bike racks a cheerio uniform clad Brittany watched with interest as the car pulled out from the drop off area, cut off three cars trying to get into the parking lot, drove over the kerb and out onto the main road. Once the vehicle left her sight she strolled into the building and headed straight for her prey.

* * *

Sugar made her way cautiously down the halls of McKinley watchful for a tall blonde decked in red, white and cool. Artie and Unique eyed her with curiosity after they had greeted her and all they got in return was a wild eyed grimace.

She stopped at the door to her first class and peered hesitantly round the corner. All clear. With a great breath of relief she took a step into the doorway and then, much to the surprise of everyone already seated in the Advanced Physics class, Sugar suddenly screamed and jumped in the air. She spun around on her heel to face the person who had gently jabbed her in the ribs.

"Morning, Sugar." Brittany said with a bright smile then raised an inquisitive eyebrow as Sugar stared back at her in horrified silence.

"You know, Sugar," Brittany slung her arm around Sugar's shoulder and held her fast so there was no chance of escape. "I have seen many weird things in my life time. Mr Schue's hair, Santana craughing, Rachel Berry; and, if I didn't know you were trying to avoid me, your behaviour walking down the corridor would be seriously worrying. You looked like you were having a seizure. Wait, were you?"

Brittany looked seriously worried for a moment until Sugar shook her head in answer. "Duck and cover, check your corners. I'm not the enemy, you know?"

"I know," Sugar said quietly, feeling quite relieved to have been caught as now she wouldn't have to spend the day worrying about being caught any more.

"I'm just going to come out and say it, okay? Sugar, why did you clone me?"

"I didn't!" Sugar let out a strangled noise somewhere between a laugh and a yelp. "Why would I clone you? Ha ha ha ha, that's ridiculous. I mean, I'm barely scraping a C in Bio so I don't think cloning is viable at this stage of my life."

"I don't know," Brittany mused, tapping her finger against her cheek in thought. "I know I'm awesome but you and I don't have that kind of relationship."

Kitty, who was walking past just as she uttered those words, gave them a piercing look and took a step back giving them a wider berth and hurriedly walked on, speeding up again as she heard the beginning of the next sentence.

"I was in your basement dungeon place... and I saw another me. Just admit it."

"No, no, no. No, you didn't. It was the alcohol and the heat from the nuclear powered hot tub. It made you delirious."

"I wasn't sick. Santana overreacts. A lot."

Brittany paced around and around the younger girl in circles while Sugar anxiously tried to think of a way to escape.

"Why don't the teachers ever get to their classes on time to actually teach?" Sugar squeaked out, absolutely outraged for once in her life that a teacher was late. "Some of us want to learn!"

"I suppose if you wont tell me then maybe my clone will. I'll have to go and see for myself."

"No, you cant do that," Sugar said hurriedly, grabbing ahold of Brittany's arm. "The house is quarantined."

"For what?"

"Radiation... I mean... termites!"

"Riiight," Brittany tried another tactic. "Don't you have to call in with Santana this morning?"

"I'm going to class now," Sugar turned abruptly and entered the class visibly emitting relief as their teacher sauntered in after her and shooed Brittany away.

* * *

Sugar peered around furtively from her vantage point on top of the school bleachers where she could see anyone who would dare even dream of attempting to sneak up on her, spy on her or listen in to her conversation. i.e. one Ms Brittany S. Pierce. She held her phone up to her ear and waited for it to connect.

"Couture one to couture control."

_"What?"_

"What's the password?"

_"Not this again, Sugar."_

"C'mon, how else am I supposed to know you haven't been compromised?"

_"I'm in Kentucky, literally nothing happens here apart from chicken derbys. There's nothing here to be compromised with!"_

"What about the weekend? When Brittany took you home. You might told her something."

_"I was compromised then all right,"_ Santana chuckled down the line. _"Britt definitely took me all the way home."_

"Gross. I'm too young and innocent and delicate to be hearing stuff like that. I meant... Did she say anything weird? Oh, and are you feeling better?"

_"Um... yes?"_

"You don't sound too sure."

_"I'm fine, Sug. That was a great party by the way. Apart from the wet wipes from the Glee reserves team being there. But anyway, the weekend got me thinking and I had a moment this morning..."_ she trailed off. _"Keep this quiet but I've got a surprise for Brittany."_

Sugar squealed so loud she caught the attention of everyone sitting outside on their lunch break. Santana sighed in resignation at the girl's reaction.

_"I didn't even tell you what it is yet. What part of quiet don't you-"_

"Oh my god, are you going to propose?" Sugar was babbling away excitedly. "You were so wasted the other night you did that thing where you cry non stop and the tears of truth just come pouring out like Niagara. I swear if you had full control of your faculties you'd still be in my hot tub right now having to be separated from each other by the emergency services with one of those saws they crack open trucks with-"

_"Sugar! I'm not proposing, calm down. Take some deep breaths... Are you okay?"_

"No. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown," Sugar sniffed, "and I still get sent to school."

_"Sug, what's wrong?"_

"I wish you were here," Sugar muttered.

Santana was quiet for a moment considering that statement.

_"Well listen up, Sugar. This surprise is something I need your help with. And, uh, only you can help me with it. Don't tell Britt but... I'm coming home. Tonight."_

"But you were just here."

_"Yes, I know. I mean, I'm coming home for good. I quit college,"_ Santana said and listened closely for Sugar's reaction.

"That's... wow." Santana listened as Sugar rambled on seemingly forgetting she had Santana on the end of the phone. "Oh wow. I mean oh my god. I'm so good at this. I should get more credit from certain people. Oh shoot, Britt's coming. Act natural."

Santana shook her head in disbelief. _"I'm on the other end of a phone line, she can't even see me!"_

"Oh, hi Britt. Just talking to my agent, ya know."

Santana sniggered as she listened to Sugar attempt to throw bloodhound Brittany off the scent.

"Hi, Sugar. Is that Santana on the line?"

"Uh... no?"

"Ask her if she wants kids."

_"What? Hello, I'm still here."_ Santana squeaked, taken by surprise at Brittany's words.

"What? Why would I ask that? I'm supposed to be doing a secret report."

"Just ask."

_"Sugar!"_ Santana called her attention. _"You haven't finished your report. You haven't started it really."_

"Do you want kids?" Sugar asked, feeling Brittany's eyes bore into the side of her head. She smirked as she leaned closer to listen to the handset.

_"Kids. For what?_" Santana asked in confusion.

"To like, have. Like babies. With Brittany. Well I presume with Brittany. It is with Brittany right, Santana? It had better be or you and I are going to have a serious falling out..."

Sugar's voice ran cold as Santana felt a shiver run down her back. Sugar peered at her phone as the line went quiet. As she put it back to her ear she could hear Santana clear her throat.

_"What's brought this on?"_

"Natural curiosity."

"Ask her if she's thought of names?" Brittany nudged her.

_"I know she's sitting next to you,"_ said Santana. _"I can hear her whispering."_

"Answer the question."

"Hi San!" Brittany called and reached out for the phone hopefully. "Can I talk to her?"

"No!" Sugar gripped her phone tightly. "It's my time to talk to her. And I'm mad at you."

"Why? You're the one acting sketchy and cloning people without asking."

Santana bit her lip in concentration as she tried to listen in to the familiar voices squabbling.

"I'm not sketchy!" Sugar glared at Brittany. "That's pffffrt!" Sugar spluttered. "Do you mind? I'm trying to have a private conversation."

Santana smirked as listened to Brittany telling Sugar what to say.

"Tell her I'm looking especially hot today."

"Alright, sheesh. By the way Santana, Britt's looking smoking hot today. She's accessorised her cheerios uniform with a trapper hat and-"

_"I know. She sent me a picture this morning, but without the uniform part."_

"Eww, what? Don't tell me things like that!"

_"Okay, well as fun and completely non informative as this has been, I have to finish my secret packing now."_

"Well fine. You know what? This was your idea in the first place and I don't know why you don't just ask Brittany to report in instead when I know she knows I know she knows you asked me to tell you about her and you know she knows and you'd better want kids because I promise you you're in for a heck of a shock otherwise."

And she hung up.

In Kentucky Santana stared at her silent phone, her nose scrunched up in pure bewilderment. She startled as her phone buzzed and a text from Sugar appeared on-screen.

_***wt abt sprz? I wntz in***_

_***your texting is shocking. Bus station at 7. Don't tell anyone S xx***_

Sugar tucked her phone in her bag and then side eyed her companion with distrust.

"This is like harassment and I think it's illegal."

"What is?"

"You stalking me like a pedo."

"Sugar!" Even Brittany was shocked by that one.

"What? Oh my god, Aspergers! You're crowding my oxygen and making me uncomfortable," Sugar gathered her belongings in her arms trying to stuff everything in her bag in an attempt to leave.

"That's because you've got a guilty conscience. Santana does it all the time, she gets real fidgety and nervous and then breaks down and tells me everything. Usually in tears. So, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to come over yours after school and meet … wait. Why do you live with my clone?"

Sugar stared off with despair onto the sports field, she was trapped on one side by Brittany and the other side by a metal railing and then a sheer drop of about thirty foot.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I live with my parents."

"Is she a clone? Go on, you can tell me."

When Sugar didn't answer Brittany shook her head sadly and sighed. "I didn't think you were like that like, making clones live in the basement. You could at least let her live in the house."

"Oh my god, She's not a clone or a house elf!"

"Parallel universe?

"No...," Sugar huffed.

"Robot? Did you build an amazing robot?"

Sugar looked over at Brittany, her eyes widened. "You think I could make an amazing robot like that?"

"Of course you could. You built a robot or a clone, either way that's amazing. You take Advanced class in Physics. You have mad design skills and you're like, hiking a trail for fashion and science." Brittany leaned over and flipped aside the front of Sugar's jacket.

"Oh, I kinda thought that said 'couture is here' but actually 'the future is here' is more interesting."

Sugar snapped her jacket closed. "It did say couture. I changed it. As a joke. My mom didn't find it so funny though."

"Oh. Well anyway, you're really sneaky and smart and a great singer."

"Thank you," Sugar muttered getting the feeling she was being buttered up for something.

"Sooo," Brittany attempted to sound innocent. "Evil twin?"

"She's not evil!" Sugar glared at Brittany for such a suggestion with such venom Brittany felt compelled to put her hands up in mock surrender. The effect was lost though as Brittany's eyes gleamed with mischief at the affirmation.

"So, I didn't imagine it. She does exist."

"You cant tell Santana," Sugar grabbed onto Brittany's knees desperately. "She's..." Sugar stared at Brittany who looked back with a kind smile. Sugar sighed in defeat. "She's from the future."

Brittany sat back straight and took a deep breath. She gripped hold of Sugar's hands and squeezed them tightly. "Sugar," she began. Sugar watched for her response with wide eyes.

"Duh. Of course we cant tell Santana. She'd never believe anything as incredible as that."

Sugar scrunched her nose up. "That's... uh... so you believe me?"

"I do. I could get Santana to believe it too if I had to, you know. I mean there was one time I was sure I got her to believe that Lord Tubbington had been rummaging through her lingerie collection. Sure, she was suspicious for a while, some might say paranoid, but in the end she couldn't prove a thing."

"That and she'd think we're crazy."

"Truth. Or she'd freak out worse than Rachel did when Quinn told her Barbra had died in sophomore year." Brittany stared off into the distance and shuddered. "The screams still haunt me to this very day."

"She cant suspect a thing."

"Don't worry about that. I'm super good at distracting her. It only takes about five seconds and a flash of-"

"Brittany!"

"Sorry." She cleared her throat. "Not sorry. We need to talk about this. Properly."

"You're taking this rather well."

"I'm cool like that. But all this... It still doesn't explain you, Sugar."

"Me?" Sugar squeaked.

"Yes, you. What do you and from the future me have in common? Why do you live with her/me? And if you do live with your parents, what do they think of me being there?"

"Is that the time? Those are all very important questions but I'm late for double algebra and I cant be late for it because, you know, equations and stuff but yeah. You should totally ask future Brittany all those awkward questions and I'll go um, balance some pi letters or yeah. So bye."

Brittany watched with a frown as Sugar climbed over her to escape the questions she clearly wasn't ready for and scurried away as fast as possible.

"The future, huh. Lord Tubbington is not going to believe this."

* * *

_**A/N In an unexpected attack of inspiration I finally figured out how this story is going to end because, lets be honest, up until now I didn't have clue. It'll be one more chapter (probably) and I bet you cant guess what's going to happen :P**_


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